I will never be The Girl From Ipanema. I should be really pissed off at this. I’ll never be tall. If I wanted to be tall then I’d have to be stretched out by some sort of evil medieval rack. When I go walking nobody every says “ahhh”. It’s more like “AHHHHH! What the hell is wrong with that big haired mismatched…umm…lady?”. I’d walk to the sea every day but it takes me at least two hours by car. If I was to walk to the sea then it would take (does math) a shitload of time. I’ll never be that awesome girl from Ipanema.
I’m pretty cool with this.
So I’ll never be tall and light will never give me a tan because I am a black hole of everything. If I’m wearing the color brown then logically I should wear my pimp ass fuzzy leopard print slip on shoes. The head scarf with the skulls on my head don’t mean I’m too lazy to do my hair it means I’m trying to prevent my gigantic fro from devouring your entire family.
Pimp Shoes!
I completely care or some crap that your perfect family is not taken out by my evil puff that some may call hair.
The tattoos mean something to me and it doesn’t mean anything to you. It shouldn’t. They are not your tattoos. I have piercings in my body because they not only look cool to me but I really dig getting them. Yes…my shorts are guys shorts. I don’t really feel like having the bottom of my ass hang out for everyone to attempt to avoid eye contact with. Craft beer gets me excited. Really bad B movies also get me excited.
I’ll never be that girl who never sees from Ipanema. Nor will I ever be that one that has figured out that prints don’t match other prints just because they are the same color. I’m just me.
“Tipsy”
The Lush Housewife 